the suicide kid

so i was walking thru a misty,menacing place,overwhelmed by two things i remember as if they happened yesterday.one was everything was grey ,their was no color,no light,no hope of ,well anything was how i felt.the other is it was in a coridoor ,a long narrow room and i was freezing cold.I remember walking with my arms around me and the complete fear of dread this place evoked in me was unreal,id never,ever been so uneasy about anything in my life.Oh yea,it was not only cold,cold,cold,but damp,with water dripping from the roof and water in the air as i said before in the form of mist.i remember my only thoughts were the basic ones of why am i here?.were am i? and why oh why am i so fucking cold,as if my body were a block of ice.So now my skin crawls and i realise few of you will believe a word of this but i will tell my truths regardless.i proceeded down thru the hallway i noticed appearing from the mist,lined up on both sides people,because thats what you think 6 foot odd creatures standing on two feet are,correct?i walked onwards towards these people ,i dont know why ,i felt a compulsion to do so,when out of nowere i was grasped on the arm a hand gripped my forearm and i remember looking into its face and their was none it was faceless,featureless and icy cold,then i was grabbed by another and another,and i felt a terror that i could never convey in a million words.i awoke at six in the morning on the bathroom floor,id been in rehab for 6 weeks and used my first day out.Now if i were you ,no fucking way would i be having a word of this ,thats fine,it doesnt matter to me one iota,but i tell you, ive talked to two other people who had overdosed and revived and without me mentioning my story at all both of them mentioned the cold and the grey men.if nothing else its a strange place your brain goes.one last piece of this that really has little to do with what im telling you but none the less was a part of my experience was when i woke up on the floor,their had been a guy i brought home from rehab with me ,as he had nowere to stay he said alll night he was trying to give me mouth to mouth etc ,he said i turned blue,lips and palour.but when i awoke,he was trying to talk to me all i could hear was the loudest squelch in my ears,i was deaf to everything,i dove into bed,swore off dope,then proceeded to get a full and deadicated habit back within the week.


mark halliwell 2011